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A little boy was walking down the street pulling a wagon with a new litter of kittens in it. Bill Clinton approached him and said "What cute little kittens you have there, youn man. What kind are the?" The little boy said, "They're Democrats." Bill Clinton said, Oh how nice and moved on. A week or so latter, the little boy is again pulling the kittens down the street. Bill Clinton and George Bush are walking together and approach the little boy. George Bush said, "Those are some cute kittens. What kind are they?" The little boy said, "They're Republicans." Bill Clinton said, "Now, wait just a minute! Last time I saw you with those same kittens, you told me they were Democrats." The little boy sminled and replied, "Yes Sir, but they have their eyes open now." | ||||||||||||||||
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Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Colonel Sanders: I missed one? L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out. Richard Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens. Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Grandpa: In my day, we did't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossedthe road, and that was good enough for us. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Ronald Reagan: What chicken? Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. Bill Gates: I have just released Chicken Coop 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balence your check book and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system. Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by Chicken? Could you define chicken? | Why did the chicken cross the road? | ||||||||||||||||
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| At last, they're finally together |
Maria is a devout Catholic: She get married and has 17 children, then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her second husband, and then he dies. She dies. At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says, "At last, they're finally together." A man standing next to him asks, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?" The priest says, "I mean her legs." | ||||||||||||||||
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